How Does Need for Approval Ruin Relationships?

In our modern world, many of us are trying to live up to the standards of other people. And a lot of us are in constant need for approval. Seeking approval from the external source does not promise a happy life. For that reason, many men are in constant struggle to achieve more, to earn more, to accumulate more wealth, to have more women, etc. Self-image becomes so important that many men put a lot of effort to impress others. But, there is no real fulfillment, nor the sense of contentment based on such lifestyle. Depending on what a man has based his sense of worth, that area will become his domain of struggle. Therefore, many men, who need women to approve them, will actually chase them to find external validation that they lack. Chasing women is usually a quick fix for self-confidence and self-worth. It feels good. For men who are in their 20s or 30s, it is a way they experience their masculinity. But, when a man has trouble to settle down in his mature age and avoid to commit to a long-term relationship, it can reflect his need for external validation and approval. For that reason, they will seek more and more approval, and it will never be enough. By pursuing other women, they avoid an opportunity to reflect on this inner need and address the hidden issue. Behind all of that can lie a simple need for love and approval. Men who decide to heal this inner wound can significantly improve the quality of their relationship and find out more fulfillment in a committed relationship with one woman. To learn more about this issue and understand how does need for approval ruin relationship the article “Attention Trap Part 1: Narcissism, Validation and Self-Worth” gives us interesting explanation.

In 2011, researchers from the University of Kentucky published this article describing how narcissists and non-narcissists represent themselves in internet profiles and communications. Of course, narcissists displayed intentionally sexy or self-promoting photos on their Facebook profile pages, but they were especially likely to use sexy photos when they had promoted themselves less in the rest of their profile. If they didn’t cry for attention with their words, they were even more likely to cry for attention with their pictures!

Further research shows the effects of this narcissistic, attention-seeking form of band-aiding the self in comparison with the internal experience of self-esteem. Basically, narcissists felt as if they alone were awesome, whereas people with high self-esteem felt like both they and their romantic partners were awesome. Self-esteem builds community, whereas narcissistic attention-seeking rips it down.

To change this dynamic, we need to shift from external sources to the inner sense of worth. If we build a strong inner core of worth that is based on our values, we will be less dependent on other persons or material stuff. This shift can help us escape the loop of bad relationships and prevent us to ruin the next relationship because of the need for approval.